Red
by CatCatKittyCat
Summary: To Juvia, Gray was her entire world: her sky, her ocean, her air. It felt like she couldn't live without him, yet she feared she was not so essential to him. Inspired by, but not based off of, Taylor Swift's song "Red". Not a song fic except for the chapter titles. Gruvia, Modern AU. Warnings: Character Death. Final chapter posted.
1. Losing Him

**Title: ** Red

**Rating: **T

**Pairing:** Gray / Juvia

**Warnings: **Character Death

**Genre: **Hurt/Comfort, Romance

Modern AU. To Juvia, Gray was her entire world: her sky, her ocean, her air. It felt like she couldn't live without him, yet she feared she was not so essential to him. Inspired by, but not based off of, Taylor Swift's song "Red". Not a song fic except for the chapter titles.

**Chapter 1: **Losing Him

_Losing him was blue like I've never known_

"_Juvia. We need to talk._"

Juvia stared silently at her phone. The bluenette was sat comfortably at the foot of her bed, dressed in a long night dress, but her mind was anything but comfortable. The message on her phone was all she could see of, all she could even think of.

And the sender? At the top of the conversation was listed **Gray**.

What could Gray want to talk about? He was the love of her life for three years now. But she… to Gray, Juvia was just another friend; the girl who clung to him for dear life; sometimes a nuisance. Whatever it was that he would refer to her behind her back, it wasn't lover.

So why would he text her such an ominous message. Was he finally done with her? Had her lovey dovey antics finally become too much? It scared her. Even if Gray never did love her back, just being near him brought her happiness. She could not imagine being separated from him.

Juvia took a deep breath: in, and then out. Her hands shook slightly as she typed in a response.

"_Of course, Gray! Juvia would love to! When and where?"_ She attempted to hide her fears as she responded. She softly touched respond on her touch screen phone and watched as a loading icon spun next to the word "Sending" until it turned to "Sent: 12:34am."

What was so important that Gray would text her about now, past midnight? She bit her lip as she waited for another message. She sat back onto her bad and proper herself up on a pillow, and ran her finger down the screen to flip through the messages Gray had sent her before.

But there were none.

"_Gray, are you at the pub?"_

"_Gray, have you ever had hot dogs in your mac and cheese?"_

"_Gray, maybe if you ask Juvia to marry you, Lyon will leave her alone."_

All of the messages were from Juvia. Gray never responded to her. When she sent him messages, he would just eventually bring up a response in conversation some time later. Or, as for the last one, ignore it completely.

So why was he starting this conversation?

Juvia's mind was still full of questions, but her phone stayed quiet as she nodded off to sleep.

* * *

Juvia leapt awake and spun her head around to look at her clock. "9:45am" it read. She reached around her bed until she grasped her phone. After a moment, she unlocked it and groggily stared at the screen.

"_Café across the street from the pub. 10 o'clock. See you there."_

Juvia rubbed her eyes softly and glared closer at the screen as she slowly put together the message that had become her morning greeting.

"Ten O'clock?!" She screeched suddenly and leapt out of bed. Juvia ran across her room and threw open her dresser. In a flash, the bluenette was pulling off her nightgown and slipping into a light blue sundress. She took little time to fix her hair, and clumsily slipped into a pair of matching blue heels before grabbing her purse and stumbling out the door.

It normally took Juvia twenty minutes to walk to the pub, but this time she was going to make it ten. She strutted as fast as she could down the sidewalk. Her attention was completely on her phone, rereading the two messages from Gray.

She quickly typed in "_Juvia is running late! So Sorry Gray! Don't be angry!"_ But she hesitated sending it.

Gray had something serious to talk to her about, but here Juvia was, completely late, and only because she couldn't wait a couple more minutes for him to respond before falling asleep. Gray would never take her affections seriously if it seemed like she didn't take _him_ seriously.

She deleted the message and bit her lip. For a moment, Juvia glanced up. She could see their favorite pub, The Fairy's Tail, at the end of the block. Her expression lightened. All she had to do was cross the street. She was going to make it. Juvia looked back down at her phone to check the time just as she reached the crosswalk. "9:56 am," Juvia read, "Juvia _can_ make an appointme—" Juvia's sentence was cut short as her heel caught the curb. She hadn't been watching her feet at all. As she stumbled, her phone slipped out of her hand and bounced across the street.

"Oh no." She grumbled and straightened herself. Without a second thought, she walked towards her phone to pick it up.

"Juvia!" She heard a shout. Juvia looked up as she reached down toward the ground for her phone. She saw Gray standing up front his seat in front of the café. He was waiting for her! But his expression looked as if he were scared, even angry.

And as a loud honking sound brought Juvia to reality, it all made sense. She slowly turned her head to her left to see a car speeding towards her, the sound of the horn mixed in with the sound of screeching tires. And despite all of her fear, Juvia froze. She couldn't find the strength to scream, or even close her eyes as she saw the automobile hurdling towards her. _Gray. Juvia is so sorry._ Were her only thoughts.

"Juvia! Get out of the way!" She heard Gray shout her name again, and then Juvia felt Gray shove her with all of his strength, and as she fell to the ground next to the curb, she heard the impact of metal against flesh, and looked up to see her beloved's body fly into the street.

This time, she had the strength to scream.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

* * *

Juvia stood outside the emergency room shaking. The ambulance hadn't let her aboard. When they had asked her what her relation was the victim, she choked on her words. She couldn't even think of an answer. She had walked to the hospital alone, she found where he was being held, where his emergency surgeries were being operated, and got as close as she could before being turned away.

Now she was alone, and so,_ so_, scared.

In a soft whisper, she kept repeating to herself, "Please be okay, Please be okay, Please be okay!"

"Juvia!" She heard an feminine voice call out to her. There was a barrage of footsteps coming in her direction, and she looked up just in time to see Erza before the red head threw her arms around her. Juvia quickly responded by wrapping her arms around her friends back, taking whatever comfort she could be given. Natsu and Lucy were close behind.

"We got the pub and Master said that Gray was in the hospital!" Natsu barked.

"He said there was a car accident!" Lucy shouted, "Do you know what happened?"

Juvia flinched, and held Erza's back tighter, trying to force the image, of Gray flying past her, out of her mind. "Juvia was right there…" She mumbled. There was a resounding gasp from her friends. "Juvia just let it happen. It's all Juvia's fault." Juvia's arms dropped to her sides.

"Don't say that." Lucy said. Juvia felt the blonde's hand on her back.

"No, if Juvia had just moved, Gray wouldn't have…" Juvia choked back her tears, "And now Gray is…"

"Don't even go there." Natsu growled. Juvia felt Natsu and Lucy join in on hugging her. She felt completely surrounded be their body heat, and for a moment, everything seemed like it was going to be okay.

But it was only for a moment.

Suddenly, the Emergency Room's door swung open, and a nurse came out holding a clipboard. She gasped lightly as she saw the small mob of four people that had gathered outside the door. The door shut behind the nurse, but as Juvia's friends freed her from their hug, she was sure she saw a group of doctors with blood soaked hands.

"Are you…" The nurse started and glanced at her clipboard, "Mister Fullbuster's friends and family?"

Erza, Natsu and Lucy nodded. Juvia could barely breathe, but she felt Erza grab her hand to reassure her. The bluenette nodded as her friends had.  
"I am very sorry to tell you," The nurse began again, and Juvia wished she didn't have to keep listening, "but as of 10:54, Gray Fullbuster has passed away. We tried all we could, but we couldn't save him."

And that was it. Juvia's legs gave out and she collapsed to the floor. The nurse apologized for their loss, but quickly scampered away as Juvia's screams began to escape from her throat.

"No. NO! THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING!" It started out, before turning into incomprehensible sobs and bellows. Lucy and Erza collapsed next to her and wept on her shoulders, but Natsu fought reality.

"No! Gray can't be…" Natsu started towards the emergency room, "He can't be dead!"

"Natsu! You can't go in there!" Lucy sobbed and leapt to her feet. She grabbed Natsu's arm and tried to pull him away, but he dragged her with him as he shoved open the door. Natsu froze; Lucy refused to look, hiding her face by pressing it into her shoulder. The door swung shut again and Natsu made no attempt to reopen it before collapsing to the floor and bringing Lucy down with him.

"He's gone, Natsu. Don't do this." Lucy pleaded.

The salmon haired man took a deep, teary breath, before clinging onto Lucy and sniveling into her shoulder as she held onto him.

Juvia heard her words but didn't want to accept them.

It was over.

She had lost him.

**Ch. 1 End**


	2. Missing Him

_**Thank you everyone who read my first chapter! I'm glad you enjoyed it, or if you hated it. I'm probably okay with that too. I kind of hate it. Because I cried while typing it. This fic will be 4 chapters in total, and I want to update it on Mondays. It was supposed to update yesterday, but I got sucked into Pokemon X and completely spaced it. Either way, enjoy more heartbreak, and I'll see you next week!**_

* * *

**Chapter 2:** Missing Him

_Missing him was dark gray all alone._

Juvia's room was dark. The only dim light was caused the bit of moonlight that dripped past the curtains. The young woman who called the room hers was seated in the corner of the wall, closest to the single window, with her arm wrapped around her knees; her head was perched on them.

All the color seemed to have been seeped from the room, and she was left in her own, tiny, gray world. Once, the shade had brought Juvia a smile. It reminded her of her beloved, her own true love, but now that man…

Juvia didn't want to think about him. She didn't want to face reality. And she only had a few more hours to do so. For when the sun rose, Juvia would have to dress herself in all black, and attend Gray's funeral.

"Gray… Where are you Gray?" She whimpered to herself. A small light flicked up next to her and Juvia jumped slightly in surprise. She looked to her side and saw her phone next to her. "12 Unread messages, 2 missed called, 1 voicemail" was printed on the screen.

Juvia lightly picked up the electronic device.

Most of the messages were single messages from friends she met at the pub. "Sorry for your loss." And "it'll be okay" were the most of them. And then three were from Erza.

"_Juvia, please talk to us."_

_"Juvia, we want to help you through this."_

_"Juvia, we need you too."_

She sucked back her tears, and scrolled down to Lucy's messages.

_"Juvia, I know this is hard for you. But we're all lonely now."_

_"Natsu won't admit it but Gray was his best friend."_

_"Juvia, we miss you."_

_"Juvia, Please respond! I'm worried about you."_

Juvia sobbed quietly, pressing the phone against her forehead. She sniveled, and then held down on the number 1 on her phone, her speed dial to Gray's phone. Somehow, she continued to pray he would pick up.

"_Hello, you've reached 471-0910. Please leave your message after the tone."_ A robotic voice recited to her.

Juvia hung up. "Stupid Gray." She muttered, "Gray never even set up Gray's message box… Juvia just wants to hear Gray's voice." Juvia began to sob loudly.

A loud banging began to suddenly sound from Juvia's front door, and the bluenette leapt to her feet with a gasp.

"Juvia! Juvia, are you there? Juvia, please open up!" She heard Lucy cry from outside.

Juvia slowly made her way to the door. Lucy's banging and shouting slowed and quieted as the entrance began to unlock, and Juvia slowly pulled it open to reveal a teary eyed blonde. 'Thank god." Lucy whispered as she wrapped her arms around Juvia. "Juvia, I was so scared. You wouldn't answer my texts, my calls, my voicemail! I didn't know what to think! I thought you might have… I was scared we would lose you too." She sobbed into Juvia's shoulder.

Juvia didn't move. She would have been lying if she hadn't thought about suicide. But she had gone through her depression earlier in her life. Having been abandoned by her parents and living alone for so long, life had lost it's color once before. Gray had helped her through that time though. He would never forgive her if she took her life now.

"Juvia is fine. Juvia just wanted to be alone." She said quietly, giving little comfort to the blonde.

Lucy peeled herself away from Juvia and gave the bluenette a light shake by the shoulders, trying to gain eye contact. "Juvia, you can't do this alone." She told her, but Juvia kept looking at the ground. "We all know you're hurting. We all are. And maybe your pain is different from all of ours, but being alone won't ease the pain."

Juvia stayed quiet. Lucy sighed and ran her hands down Juvia's arms until she was holding the young lady's hands. Lucy looked over Juvia; in a light blue dress, which was crumpled like she had been kneeling on it all day. A very familiar light blue dress…

"Wait a moment, Juvia, is this the same dress you were wearing when—" Lucy was cut off as Juvia leapt back from her and covered her ears.

"Don't say it!" She whimpered.

"Okay, okay." Lucy put her hands up in defeat, but stepped into Juvia's doorway as the woman had finally given her enough room. She softly closed the door behind her. "But really, Juvia. You have to take care of yourself. Have you not bathed at all for the last three days?"

Juvia lowered her hands from her ears, but looked away over her shoulder.

"Have you eaten?" Lucy asked.

Juvia bit her lip, and ran her hand over her empty stomach. "It just… it feels like nothing will stay down. Juvia doesn't want to."

Lucy sighed and stepped forward, taking Juvia's hands again. "Come on. Let's clean you up and then I'll make you something I'm sure will stay down. Okay?" The blonde tried to get her friend to at least look at her, but instead she took the slight nod as agreement, and lead Juvia towards the bath.

* * *

The night went by too fast. Lucy had cooked Juvia a sweet porridge, and it stayed in Juvia's stomach, just as promised. From there the girls talked about their memories together and cried on each other shoulders. Eventually, they had both nodded off on Juvia's bedroom floor.

When Juvia awoke she found the blonde curled around a pillow. She must have pulled it off the bed during the night. Once, Juvia saw Lucy as an obstacle in her love, but now, Lucy was a precious friend. One who really understood what she was going through; after all, Lucy's father had passed away just last year.

Juvia stood up quietly, adjusting her sleeping shorts and nightshirt, and walked over to her closet. She flipped through her dresses until she found her pure black dress, with a lacey black shall, and pulled out the hanger. When she had bought this dress, she never once thought it would be for this sort of occasion.

Juvia turned around and saw Lucy slowly bringing herself into a seating position. "Juvia? Are you alright?" She asked groggily.

"Yes." Juvia lied. She was sure she would never feel all right again. "Juvia needs to change for today. Lucy should too."

Lucy looked at her as if she weren't convinced.

"It's fine. Juvia will meet you there." Juvia reassured her blonde friend.

Lucy brought herself to her feet. "Alright, if you say so. I'll see you soon."

Juvia watched Lucy walk out, and waved goodbye as she left. As soon as the door shut Juvia collapsed to the floor again, weeping into the dress she meant to change into.

"Gray…" She whimpered, "Juvia just wants to see you again…"

But Juvia knew her time for running away had ended. There were only a few hours left until she said goodbye to Gray forever.

Juvia took a deep breath in and began to prepare herself.

* * *

Roughly three hours later, Juvia found herself entering a packed church with a small mob of friends and strangers. Along with her dress and shall, Juvia wore her hair up in a bun on her head, with a bonnet and veil over her face.

As she neared the pews, she saw a figure stand up and wave at her. Through her veil, she recognized it was Erza, in the front row, and made her way up to join her. She sat between the red head and Lucy, the rest of the row was filled with other regulars from the pub: Levy, Gajeel, Elfman and Evergreen to name a few. They all glanced at Juvia, and then back to their nearest loved ones.

Even surrounded by friends, Juvia felt alone all over again. All her friends and acquaintances were sat in pairs. Even Lucy had her head leaned on Natsu's shoulder. The salmon haired man made no sign of protest. Juvia looked to her hand on her lap. She clenched them tightly together. She watched Erza's hand softly cover hers. Juvia looked up at her friend and gave her a weak smile. Just then the room became silent as a familiar white haired man took center stage.

"My name is Lyon Vastia. As most of you know, Gray was my foster brother." Juvia's eyes focused on the man in front of her. A man who was always after her heart, even though he knew her love for Gray was unconditional.

"My brother was an amazing man. He always went all out no matter what. He knew the risks of everything he put himself through, but never stopped to think because he wanted to do what was right. Gray was taken from us far too soon, but even so, he gave up his life for something beautiful." Lyon glanced at Juvia for just a second. In another situation, she may have blushed from what he was implying, but now, she just felt sick with guilt.

"I'm sure my brother would want to be remembered as a man who did all he could for his loved ones, and one who never gave up. However, I will always remember him as the little brother who couldn't keep his shirt on."

There was a soft, hushed round of laughter amongst the audience, and the mood lightened slightly. Lyon stepped down from the pedestal and the service's pastor stepped up. "Thank you, Mister Vastia. The viewing will begin shortly. Please form a line down the isle. Afterwards we will go out to the courtyard for the final service and burial."

Everyone around Juvia began to stand, but she hesitated and remained seated. Erza turned on her heel and offered a hand to Juvia.

The bluenette shook her head softly, "Juvia will go up after the rest of the aisle." She said quietly, out of the corner of her eye, she saw the pastor opening a large black coffin in the middle of the altar. Her whole body flinched and she looked down at her feet. "Juvia is not ready yet." Her voice trailed into a shrill whisper.

Erza stared down at her friend with empathy, and nodded quietly, before walking ahead, second in line after their favorite pub's keeper, whom everyone affectionately called "Master."

The last two friends in her aisle were Jet and Droy. The two were usually clowns, trying to make a joke out of anything, but in this atmosphere, even they seemed sick of jokes. When the duo had passed Juvia to join the line, she slowly stood up and walked quietly behind them. As she reached the end of the line, and brought herself to a still stance, she saw the Master reach the open casket. The church was shushed silent, and it was nearly impossible not to hear his words.

"Gray…" The short elderly man started, lifting a white iris up to place in the coffin, "You were like a son to me. You were always such an airheaded man. Even now, I wonder if you know what you've put us through. But I suppose it was always impossible to stop you once you set your mind on something." The Master stopped momentarily to wipe away his tears. "Thank you for being part of our lives."

Juvia looked to her feet. She wanted to thanks Gray for everything. For never pushing her away; for helping her through her hard times; for not hating her. But she couldn't thank him for anything, because it was thanks to her that he had…

Juvia was brought out of her train of thought when she heard a pair of footsteps near her from the front. Lucy had left her spot in line and stepped into line in front of Juvia. The blonde reached back and squeezed Juvia's hand. "You looked lonely back here." She whispered.

Juvia gave her friend a weak, insincere smile.

The rest of the pub regulars took their turns giving Gray their thanks and goodbyes. Juvia tried to shut them out for the most part, thinking she could ignore reality until the last minute. But when Natsu reached the casket, he proved too loud for anyone to ignore.

"You stupid, piece of shit, ice cold, bastard!" He growled.

"Natsu!" Lucy scolded from farther back in line.

The salmon haired man continued, "Why did you have to go and die? We never settled our score. Not a single one of them!" He slammed his fist against the coffin. "Who am I going to fight with now? Who is going to call me 'flame breath' all the time? What were you thinking…?" Natsu's roars quieted as the Master had walked forward and placed a hand on Natsu's arm. "You really were a total idiot…" With that, he turned to his side and walked away from the coffin without leaving anything but his tears.

Juvia felt like she was going to be sick. The closer she got to the center of the altar, the louder the voice in her head got. _This is all Juvia's fault… This is all Juvia's fault. This is all Juvia's fault!_

Lucy's presence was suddenly missing from Juvia's view, and she looked up from her feet to see the blonde was standing next to the coffin, placing a hand full of white daisies into it. Lucy spoke in barely a whisper, but Juvia could hear her as if she were speaking right into her ear.

"I'm sorry about Natsu, Gray." She laughed soft and uneasily, "He just misses you is all. You were his best friend you know? But Natsu's a great guy. I'm sure he'll bond with someone soon. So don't worry about him, okay?" Tears were already dripping down the young lady's face as she continued. "I wanted to thank you for never giving up on me. I'm a clumsy, dumb blonde. Everyone I met before I found the Fairy's Tail told me that. But you looked past that. You said I was cute and smart and I could do anything. It gave me the strength to keep fighting. Thanks for that. Thanks for being my friend and Natsu's friend. Thanks for walking me home when we left the pub late. Thanks for helping me with my father's funeral expenses…" Lucy stopped for a moment. She pushed the tears from her eyes, and then, in an even smaller whisper, added, "And most of all, thank you for saving Juvia."

Lucy began to walk from the casket, but Juvia didn't move forward. Her legs wouldn't move. There was a hushed confusion throughout the church. She could hear the person behind her telling her it was her turn, but Juvia still didn't move.

"Juvia?" Lucy murmured, looking back over her shoulder.

The blue haired maiden began shaking her head violently. She took a step backwards. "No. Juvia can't look at Gray." She started, "Juvia doesn't deserve to. This is all Juvia's fault!" Her voice began to turn from a mumble to a shout, "Juvia killed Gray!" And with that scream, Juvia spun on her heel and began to run from the church, pushing past strangers and acquaintances alike. She heard her friends calling after her but she kept pushing through. Just as she neared the exit, a hand caught her wrist and she was pulled to a stop. Juvia spun her head back, and through her teary eyes, she saw the hand belonged to Lyon Vastia.

"Let Juvia go!" She screeched, "You should all hate Juvia! Especially Lyon!" She tried to rip her wrist from his grasp, but he pulled her forward onto his chest and hugged the young lady.

Juvia tried to pull herself from the embrace, but found it was to no avail. She heard footsteps rush towards her as her friends joined Lyon in surrounding her.

"Juvia, no one hates you. No one blames you." Lyon said softly.

"That's right, Juvia." She heard Lucy confirm.

Lyon's grip on Juvia lightened, and she pushed herself back softly to see everyone standing around her. An old, wrinkled hand met hers, and she looked down to the Master, who beckoned her closer. Juvia knelt down and the elderly man placed a hand on her back.

"This sort of thing is no one's fault Juvia." He stated clearly, "And no one will blame you for Gray's death. He was always a self sacrificing man."

"But, if Juvia had been paying attention. If Juvia had ever paid attention…" She choked back her tears, "If only it had been Juvia. Juvia wishes Gray did not save her." The young woman came to her knees and wept towards the floor, but then looked back up as she felt many a hand on her back.

"Please don't say that, Juvia." Lucy whimpered, "We all love you, Juvia."

"And Gray never would have forgiven himself if he had only watched you being snatched away." Lyon remarked, "and neither would I have."

"Now, it's time for you to say goodbye to your hero." Erza stated, her words colder than the rest, but it brought Juvia to the reality she had been ignoring. With a soft snivel and a deep breath, Juvia nodded and stood up. With her friends ahead of her, she walked to back to the center of the church, onto the altar, and stood over the open casket.

There Gray lie, as if he were sleeping, but his chest did not raise and no breath escaped his lips. His torso was littered with white flowers. Juvia reach under her bonnet and pulled a single, tiny white bloom from it's hiding place in her hair. She reached in and placed it on Gray's forehead, before running her hand over his cheek.

"Oh Gray…." She began to whisper; "Juvia misses Gray so much already. Gray is all Juvia ever wanted. What is Juvia supposed to chase after now?" Her breathe hitched, "What did Gray want to talk about the other day? Why only Juvia? Gray left Juvia with so many questions. But most of all…" Juvia softly dropped to her knees and placed her forehead softly against the side of the coffin, then in the softest breath whispered, "Why couldn't Gray have loved Juvia back?"

**Ch 2 end**


	3. Forgetting Him

_**Happy Early Update everyone! I just moved this past weekend and don't have internet set up yet, so I figured I should go ahead and update a day early while I'm stealing internet from my friends then try to do the update from my phone, haha.**_

_**So Chapter 3 is here! There's only one left after this, so look forward to it!**_

_**As a warning, this chapter does have some light Lyon/Juvia in it, so if you hate that pairing to the wake of your soul, you might not enjoy it. I found it necessary though. Anyway, I'll see you all next week!**_

_**Oh, and I've been trying to decide if I should recategorize this as romance/hurt and comfort (it's hurt and comfort/tragedy right now), so let me know if you think I should or not at the end of this chapter, thaaanks~~~**_

**Chapter 3**

**Forgetting Him**

_Forgetting him was like trying to know someone you never met._

The time since Gray's death seemed to pass slowly. Seconds and minutes seemed longer to Juvia than ever before. It was as if time had halted, and every clock around her had stopped turning. But despite her feelings, time did pass. Her seemingly unending seconds turned into minutes, minutes into hours, hours into days.

For a time, days were merely rotations of the earth to Juvia—an earth without Gray on it. But the useless days became useless weeks, weeks became months, and months became years.

It had been an entire 2 years since Gray's passing. Juvia would tell herself she had moved on. She would tell anyone that. She honestly didn't know if she was lying. She had spent two years burying her pain under the happenings of the present. She kept herself busy. In the last few months, she had begun teaching swimming classes at a nearby school. All of her students were impressed by her techniques. The rowdiness of her class kept the silent whispers of the past quiet.

Today was not a day she could ignore the past however, it had been an exact two years since Gray's death. Thus, Juvia had dressed herself in a knee length black dress, with a white waist sash, tied her blue hair on top of her head, and readied herself to visit Gray's grave.

Juvia stood in front of her bathroom mirror. She tidied the ends of her hair, pushing them under the bun she had secured to the top of her scalp. Juvia lifted a light blue lipstick and gave her face some color. She gave a smack of her lips to even the hue, and then looked to her ceiling.

"Gray. It's been two years." She said softly to the air, "Does Gray miss Juvia yet?" After a moment of silence, Juvia shook her head. "Juvia promised to stop that! Gray will not respond! Juvia will move on!" She scolded herself, and then stomped out of the bathroom.

The heaviness of her footsteps was rivaled by the sound of a hand knocking against her door.

"Juvia, dear, are you ready yet?" A man's voice called from outside.

"Ah, yes! Juvia is coming." Juvia responded, hoping she was loud enough for her visitor to hear. Juvia pulled a pair of white flats onto her feet, picked up a small black shoulder purse, and walked straight to the front door. She pulled the entrance open to reveal Lyon Vastia, dressed in black and white, just like her, and holding a bouquet of white roses, half of which had been dyed a medium shade of gray.

"Good morning, Lyon." Juvia said with a soft smile. The man smiled in response to her greeting, and then leaned down and kissed Juvia softly on the lips.

Juvia blushed softly. Eighteen months after Gray's death, Juvia had allowed Lyon the chance he had always yearned for, and the two of them had been dating since. Juvia was shy and found herself easily scared by any advances, so their relationship was slow to develop. Even after their six months together, Juvia couldn't put a finger on how she really felt about Lyon. But she could tell how happy he was to be with her, so she couldn't say it was only dislike she felt.

Lyon shifted his flower bouquet over to his left arm, and offered his free hand to Juvia. "Do you have you gift for Gray?" He asked.

Juvia took his hand. "Yes, right here." She said, and gestured to her purse. Lyon nodded, and then led her out the door. Juvia locked up behind them, before following Lyon to his jet-black car, and seating herself on the passengers' side.

"Will anyone be meeting us there?" Lyon asked, as he started the car.

Juvia shook her head, "No. Lucy and Natsu have made separate plans. And Lyon knows how it can get at the pub. The Fairy's Tail would rather mourn through celebration."

Lyon nodded with a soft smile. "Then, I suppose it's just you and me."

_And Gray._ Juvia added mentally. She nodded to Lyon's speech however. "Looks like it is."

* * *

The rest of their drive was a quiet one. The cemetery was only about ten minutes away by car.

Once they arrived, Juvia took a step out of the car first. She couldn't tell if it was because she wanted to get it all over with, or if she was actually looking forward to one of the most painful days of her life, but she could feel that she just had to visit his grave right away.

Juvia moved around to the driver side of the car just as Lyon stepped out. He had barely straightened himself and pulled his roses from the car when Juvia grabbed his hand and started dragging him towards the cemetery's entrance. "Whoa! Hold on, Juvia. I need to at least lock the car." He tried to slow her. Juvia gave him barely a second though. As soon as she heard the car beep in reaction to his key holder's command, she began dragging the man again until he hurried his steps and was walking in unison with her speed.

"What's the rush, Juvia?" Lyon asked, and then almost added, _"It's not like he's going anywhere."_ But quickly realized that would have been in poor taste.

"Juvia just…" She muttered, thinking hard about what her fast heart beats were trying to tell her, "Juvia feels like there's something waiting for Juvia there."

Lyon was taken aback by her words. He didn't know what she could have meant, but even when he stopped for a moment to try to process her words, Juvia trudged on. She didn't notice him halt. She only looked forwards. Juvia couldn't see Lyon at all.

The couple made their way through the cemetery, Juvia a couple steps ahead of Lyon. They stepped along the dirt path, past many a grave, and over a short hill before Gray's tombstone was in sight.

Juvia came closer to the grave, and Lyon's footsteps slowed. She stood under the tree that cast shade onto Gray's gravesite. She looked up at its white blossoms, down to the grave, then to each side. With a sad smile, she gave a sigh. "Juvia isn't really sure what she expected…" She thought herself stupid. The very thought that Gray had left her a gift after two years in the afterlife—it was too silly—even for her.

Just as Lyon went to step forward to comfort his girlfriend, a sudden gust of wind blew through the cemetery, nearly pushing him of his feet.

Juvia managed her catch herself, holding her hair on her head with one hand and her dress down at her knees with the other. She scrunched her eyes shut until the wind had passed. And as Juvia opened her eyes, she found her gift.

_Before she had met Gray, Juvia only remembered rain. It seemed like it always rained when she was sad, and she was sad all the time. But there was one night in particular, after she had met her beloved Gray, which Juvia had loved what came down from the sky._

_Juvia had embarrassed herself in front of many people at the pub. Natsu had called her "Rain Woman" as a joke and she had taken it far too seriously. She had gotten caught up in a fight with him and Lucy, and by the time she realized she was over reacting, she worried it was too late. She had ran from the pub, scared of rejection, and hidden herself in her home. _

_Some time later, when it was quite dark, there was a knock at her door. _

_"Go away! Juvia is a horrible rain woman! Natsu is right!" She had shouted without even acknowledging who her visitor had been._

_"Juvia. No one's angry with you. Come outside." The voice of her visitor was that of none other than the object of her affections, Gray Fullbuster._

_Juvia cringed, to think she would push away that man she has only wanted to pull closer. But she continued to fight. "No!" She shouted, "Juvia is sad! It's going to Rain! Gray should go home before it does…"_

_"Believe me, it is not raining." Gray said with a sigh, "Would you please come out here Juvia? I promise you'll stop crying."_

_Juvia sniffled a bit. "Juvia never said she was crying. Why would Gray say such a thing?" She whimpered in defiance, as she wiped tears from her eyes, "I'll come outside." She began to stand up, "But only because Gray is asking."_

_"Yes, yes, whatever. Just hurry up." Gray groaned impatiently._

_Juvia straightened her clothing, and then, with a few short steps, had made her way to the door. As she opened it, Gray had stepped to the side to reveal what he had wanted so desperately for her to see. The dark night skies were sparkling. White flakes fell from the stars and lit up in streetlights. Tiny flecks of ice, that brightened the sky and melted upon the ground, brought glee to Juvia's face._

_"S-Snow?" She had whispered, and stepped out further. A flake fell upon her nose, and she leapt in surprise as it froze her nose, and then melted into a drop of water._

_"I know you see rain all the time, but I thought since you used to live in a warmer climate you might not have seen snow before so…" Gray blushed a bit, not one to search into his soft side, "Look no one's angry at you, so don't be sad anymore, okay?"_

_Juvia had looked at Gray with the brightest smile she'd given him in the months since they had met. She nodded excitedly, then jumped off her porch and spun around in the snow. "Gray!" she cheered, "Juvia is so happy! Juvia loves snow! Juvia wants it to snow everyday!"_

Juvia's eyes watched as a flurry of white passed her vision, and as the wind settled completely, it seemed like a springtime snow had come to her. The white petals from her nearby tree escaped their branches in the gust of wind, and now slowly trickled down upon and around Juvia. She spun around in the petals, a bright smile plastered on her face.

Lyon watched from a few feet away. He watched Juvia dance in the flowers that landed around her feet. He was sure he hadn't seen her so genuinely happy for a long time. _Two years, at least._ He thought.

"It's snowing! Gray brought Juvia snow!" Juvia spun to her companion, and without a single thought, she chirped, "Juvia loves you, Gray! Gray made it snow!"

Lyon could hardly be surprised by how she had addressed him, but watched her face as reality set in. The hands she had held out catching petals moved slowly down towards her sides. She bit her lip softly as guilt set in.

"It's okay, Juvia." Lyon said softly, as he stepped towards the young woman. "I am the guilty one, not you. I've just been taking advantage of your broken heart." Lyon stepped close to Juvia, he reached up and softly ran a hand down her cheek, "I always hoped that I could make you mine, steal you from Gray. But even now, whenever you look at me, you really only see him." He sighed, "I can see it in your eyes every day."

Juvia moved her face from Lyon's touch as tears began to form in her eyes. "Juvia is so sorry, Lyon." She said softly. She avoided eye contact, and turned to Gray's grave. "Juvia has tried to forget Gray, but it's just impossible. Juvia has tried so many, many times."

The bluenette kneeled down and opened her purse, pulling Gray's "gift" from it. It was one of her hand sewn teru teru bozu, a little doll charm to ward off rain. She softly placed it on top of his grave, next to a matted worn out piece of fabric with a hand sewn face of it's own; her gift from last year.

"To Lyon, Gray was a brother—A rival maybe. To Natsu and Lucy, Gray was a comrade and a best friend. But to Juvia, Gray was so many things. Gray was Juvia's hero, Juvia's savior. Gray was everything Juvia wanted to become and everything Juvia wanted to have. Gray is the only person, the only existence, Juvia could ever love."

Lyon listened quietly, he watched as Juvia clenched the ends of her dress under her finger, and could see tears dripping down onto her fists. "And it's all so stupid." Juvia forced out a pitying laugh, "…because Gray never loved Juvia." She began to sniffle back tear and wipe her eyes after than sentence. She couldn't remember how often she felt the need to remind herself of that.

Juvia continued to try to push away her weeping, but her attention was brought to Lyon as he stepped close and laid his bouquet against Gray's tombstone. "Juvia…" He started, and knelt down to Juvia's level. He put a hand over one of her clenched fists. "Listen Juvia. My brother… my brother had secrets—So many secrets—secrets even I don't know. But no matter how many secrets he was able to keep from me, there's one that I definitely know."

With her free hand, Juvia rubbed tears from her eyes and looked into Lyon's.  
"Juvia, just believe me when I tell you…" He sighed, "my brother loved you so much."

Juvia let a great breath escape her lips. Not a gasp, it was like a sigh of relief. Like she had just heard the greatest news of her life. But what did such news matter now…

"Every time Gray looked at you there was so much love in his eyes. And every time he turned you away, there was so, so much pain." Lyon continued, "Look Juvia, I don't know why Gray never told you that he returned your feelings. But from where I was, it seemed like…" Lyon thought about his words for a moment, "It was like he couldn't."

Juvia stayed quiet as she tried to process what she was being told. Gray returned her feelings? He genuinely cared for her, even _loved_ her? It seemed too good to be true. But then again, as she glanced to the name carved into stone in front of her, it really wasn't a dream come true at all.

"My brother was a mystery that I would have loved to solve before he had died…" Lyon sighed softly, "But he left us so soon, I barely had any time. I didn't have much for clues and then when we lost him, it seemed like continuing to investigate was meaningless. But if Juvia really wants to know, we can try again."

Juvia let his words mix around in her mind. _A mystery._ She thought, _Clues. Investigation. Meaningless…_ Juvia mind stopped on something. Something buried all the way back behind two years of repressed memories.

"Gray wanted to talk to Juvia about something…" She mumbled.

"What?" Lyon responded, confused by her sudden speech after the absence of her words.

Juvia looked straight at the tombstone in front of her. "That day. The day Gray died. Juvia was going to meet with Gray because Gray wanted to tell Juvia something." She suddenly turned her face to Lyon's. "Back then, Juvia was naive. Juvia was sure Gray was either going to propose, or reject Juvia forever."

Lyon tried not to laugh at the thought of Juvia even thinking Gray would jump straight to a proposal.

"But Juvia understands now. Gray had secrets. Gray was going to confide in Juvia." Juvia's eyes began to fill with tears again, she covered with her arm and tried to wipe the tears away as she said, "because Gray really trusted Juvia…"

The young woman took a long deep breath, then brought herself to her feet. Lyon followed suit. She looked into the white haired man's eyes, and then said confidently, "Juvia wants to know. Juvia has to know. Please Lyon! Help Juvia discover Gray's secrets!"

**Chapter 3 End**


	4. Loving Him

**Chapter 4**

**Loving him**

_But loving him was red. Burning red._

The street Juvia Lockser found herself treading down was familiar—almost nostalgic. It was a street she once frequented. A tiny shoe store, shoved into a hole in the wall, still kept its business booming since the years she had last visited. The children who raced each other down the sidewalk were one and the same as the ones who she used to see each and every day some odd two years ago. And then, there was the house she had once _constantly_ brought herself to, sometimes only to stare in through the window of.

It was the same as her memories. A small white town house, decorated with blue rafters and roofing. It seemed barely big enough to fit a family of two, but all the time she had paid a visit, the house only homed a single individual. The little lodging had seen better days though. Its baby blue rafters had began to gray with dust and lack of care. Cobwebs hid in every nook and cranny leading up the porch and to the front door. One window was cracked and another completely covered with plastic.

As Juvia allowed her feet to take her up to the porch, she took in every detail, every change that had occurred since her last visit. When she reached the door, she placed her hand softly against the wooden front door, and let out a soft sigh.

"This place hasn't changed at all." Lyon's voice made Juvia nearly jump out of her skin. She spun around to see the light haired man standing at the bottom of the porch steps. She had been so entranced by her memories, she hadn't heard he walk up at all.

"That's not true, Lyon. Gray's house is so lonely now." Juvia told him, with a look of loneliness on her own face.

Lyon seemed taken aback by her comment, but quickly recovered, and climbed the stairs to join her. "Well, one little lady wouldn't be so lonely if she hadn't dumped a certain handsome young man." He said, and winked at her, trying to brighten the mood.

Juvia frowned and looked to her feet. "Lyon, Juvia is very so—" She stopped when the young man lay a finger upon her lips.

"Sorry, that was crueler than I meant it to be." He apologized, "Don't worry about me, Juvia. I understand."

Juvia's frown was not replaced with a smile, but she gave a nod, and turned her attention to the door.

"Now, I suppose it is about time we started what we came here for." Lyon fished into his pocket, and pulled a key ring, with two keys attached, from its depths.

Still looking at the door, Juvia nodded again, and then peered upon Lyon. "Nothing's been moved since…" She couldn't finish her question, but was sure that he could tell where she was taking the question.

"Not a thing." Lyon confirmed, "I've been paying rent on his apartment since Gray's departure from our world. I couldn't handle the burden of cleaning it out myself, but asking someone to help just seemed to cruel."

Juvia stayed silent after that. She couldn't have agreed more with his statement, but here she was now. Ready to search through Gray's belongings and discover his secrets. She was sure, however, she would be digging up her own memories along the way too.

The bluenette stared intently at the doorknob and Lyon inserted the key and turned the lock, then took a deep breath, before she helped him push it open.

Instantly, the familiar scent of Gray Fullbuster filled Juvia's senses, and she was hit with a whirlwind of memories. Every moment the young man had stood near her; every time he lost his shirt in a tussle; and every single time he had shot her down, flew through Juvia's mind within seconds. Her knees buckled and she leaned against the door as it touched the wall behind it.

"Are you alright?" Lyon worried over her.

Juvia held up a hand to gesture him to give her some space. "Juvia is fine. Juvia just needs a moment." She took another great breath, and the scent filled her nostrils again. This time it brought a smile to her lips. Though she missed him so, Juvia had not thought so much about Gray in years. She always feared she would bring herself to tears over and over again, but she longed to have his visage fill her mind again.

Juvia straightened her stance and gave Lyon and reassuring smile. The duo took another step into the small abode, and Juvia groped the wall until she found a light switch. She gave it a flick, but to no avail; not a single light in the house came alive for her. Juvia pouted.

"Sorry," Lyon started, "I continued to pay rent, but not bills. There's no electric." He explained, and then pulled a small black shoulder bag down from his back. He opened the satchel, and pulled a pair of flashlights from it. "I brought these though." He passed one to Juvia.

The young woman took it from him, and bowed her head in thanks. With a flick of her thumb, Juvia brought the flashlight to life. She slowly turned it around the house, and then stopped it upon the last doorway in her path.

"Juvia will start here. Lyon should start at the next room on the right." She told him.

Lyon nodded in agreement. "Just look for anything out of the ordinary. Any hand written notes might be clues too. Gray never really cared for much technology, so I don't think he ever wasted his money on a computer, so any clues should be left in writing."

Juvia nodded, and turned to her target room, but as she heard Lyon began to walk towards his own, Juvia turned back around and grabbed his shirtsleeve with her fingertips.

"Lyon." She called for his attention, which she quickly obtained, "Please, do not look into Gray's room without Juvia." She pleaded, "…And don't let Juvia go in alone either."

Lyon sighed and smiled softly at her, then nodded. Once Juvia was convinced he understood her plea, she released his sleeve from her grasp, and then continued to her room of choice.

* * *

Juvia took her time in the room that she room she chose to examine. Gray's TV room floor was littered with T-shirts and socks. She picked up and folded each one. The couch and television were both covered in a thick layer of dust. She opened every single DVD case on his shelf and looked inside for clue, but to no avail.

An old wind up clock was hung on his wall. She traced her fingers along it's door, and imagined Gray winding it himself. How many years had it been since it's pendulum had swung?

Juvia took it upon herself to bring the instrument back to life. She softly opened the door and reached in for it's key, yet found two. Juvia looked surprised upon her discovery. One rounded, old fashioned, key obviously fit right into the clock, but the other was more modern, and didn't belong with the clock at all. She pocketed the newer key, and then proceeded to set her clock to what time she assumed it should have been—around 3:15—and then inserted the older key and turned it twenty or thirty times, gave the pendulum and light push, and then closed the key back behind the door.

For a few moments, she admired the clock, quietly adoring the sound of it's tick-tocks, and brought herself back into a fantasy world she had long forgotten—one where she and Gray lived happily together. They turned the cloth together, and then she would say something cheesy to Gray to the kin of "_Time could stop forever as long as Gray is with Juvia."_

"Did you find anything, Juvia?" Lyon's voiced broke Juvia from her dream, and she turned slowly to him, as he continued before she had a chance to answer her. "I've already looked through the other two rooms, but I didn't find anything conclusive."

Juvia quietly strode over Lyon, and pulled the key from her pocket, presenting it directly in front of his face. "It was with the clock, but it didn't fit it."

Lyon seemed rather surprised, then smiled. "Good job, Juvia. Maybe we can find what it does fit."

Juvia nodded, holding her flashlight above the key as she further inspected it.

But Lyon broke her train of thought once more. "All that's left is the bedroom."

Juvia's eyes flicked up and met Lyon's. She fidgeted uncomfortably, as her eyes traveled over to the door in the left corner of the house, then back to Lyon.  
"If you're not ready, we can come back tomorrow." Lyon said, "Or next week, or next month. We don't have to do this right now."

"No. Juvia _wants_ to do this now." She assured him, "Juvia is just nervous. Let Juvia go first." With that said, the bluenette began to take herself towards the door. Lyon followed Juvia, a few steps behind, and watched her as she calmly put her hand upon the doorknob. He watched her inhale deeply, and then, while she was still holding back her breath, she turned the knob and push the door open.

Lyon heard Juvia gasp as she disappeared into the room, and he walked to the doorway to find her kneeling at the side of an empty bed, the comforter held up to her nose and tears running down her cheeks.

The while haired man walked closer to the grieving woman, and knelt down towards her, placing a hand upon her back.

"Juvia is sorry, Lyon. Gray's scent is so strong in here. Gray just filled Juvia's mind. Juvia thought she would be alright but…" Juvia gathered as much of comforter in her arms as she could and gave it a great hug, "Juvia missed Gray's presence so much."

"It's alright, Juvia. Take your time." Lyon told her, "Are you still sure you don't want to come back later?"

Juvia sniffled softly, then brought herself to her feet, and wiped her tears away with the back of her hand. She gave him a nod. "Yes. Juvia is ready."

Lyon smiled softly, hoping to comfort her, and then watched her shrug off her tears as best she could before traveling to the dresser against the wall, next to the door they entered through. She pulled open a drawer and began rifling through it as if she had been able to throw away her emotions. Lyon could see her constant blinking, though, as she tried to push the tears away.

As Juvia dug through drawer after drawer, Lyon explored a closet to the right of the room. Lyon opened box after box, shining his flashlight inside of each one; paging through any book he found and opening any jars.

Behind him, Juvia quietly pushed through clothes, looking for anything but. The only thing she found was a picture of herself: An unflattering photo of her biting into one of Gray's favorite chilidogs. She gave a soft laugh as she shone her light upon it—she was almost entirely sure that one of her many pictures of Gray mirrored it perfectly.

She turned over the photo and let out a gasp. "Lyon. Come look." She called.

Lyon pulled his head from the closet curiously, then stood and brought himself over to Juvia. She showed him the back of the photo. In blue in, on the bottom half of the photo's backside, was written:

_"This is the best photo I could get off of Mira, but this is "Rain Woman" I've mentioned. The woman I would have chosen to live my life out with, if I had never gotten the news."_

Juvia looked Lyon in the eye, "There must be more." She said intently, "Gray writes as if he has written about Juvia before. We must find the rest."

Lyon kept his eyes on Juvia's. He hadn't seen her so seriously since… possibly ever. He slowly nodded, then looked around the room. "There's not much more room to look though. I'll check under the bed."

Juvia continued to explore each corner of the room as Lyon crawled under the mattress and box spring for a closer look, but after another ten minutes of exploring the room, it seemed there might really be nothing else in the house.

Juvia looked around worried, then to her clues. With a key in her left hand and a photo in her right, Juvia was sure there was something they were missing. But where?

"Did Gray have an attic?" She asked, afraid she was running out of ideas.

Lyon pulled himself out from under the bed and shook his head. "No... Not one that he showed me at least."

Juvia leaned against the dresser as she began to think.

_A key; a message about Juvia; and secrets. What was Gray hiding?_ She began to rack her brain over it more, and put more weight upon the dressed.

"Juvia, be careful!" Lyon's voice wasn't the only sound to break her train of thought this time, because right after his warning, Juvia heard a great "CRACK" as on of the legs of the dressed gave out under Juvia's added weight. She leapt away from the dresser and was only able to watch it topple over, and all the trinkets Gray had left atop it fall to the ground and litter the floor.

"Oh nooo, Gray's things…" She cried, and knelt down to collect them.

"Juvia." Lyon said her name just once. She looked up to see his flashlight upon the wall just left of her head. She looked to where it lead to find a tiny keyhole on the wall. She didn't see a door, the keyhole made no sense at all, but she held up the key in her left hand, and inserted it without question. It went straight in.

Juvia turned her head to Lyon, mystified, and he nodded for her to continue. Juvia turned the key until she heard it click and a lock's mechanism undo itself. Since there was no knob, she decided to give the wall a push, and just like that, a door that was painted the same as the wall pushed open and lead into a narrow, hidden closet.

Juvia stood with shaking legs, and shined her light into the closet.

"There's… book." She said, and walked slowly into the entrance. "Notebooks. Lots of them. At least thirty."

Lyon stood at the doorway, and watched as she lifted one up, looking closely upon the cover, then gasped and dropped it back to the ground.

"What's wrong? What does it say?" He asked, stepped into the doorway slightly.

"The front says…" Juvia looked back at him with teary eyes, "'Six months to live'."

* * *

Juvia sat on the couch in her own living room, as she watched Lyon laying notebooks out across her floor. There were 32 in all. Each one had just 4 words written on the front. The first "Three years to live", and the last one titled, "Five months to live."

Each one filled with a months worth of Gray's thoughts. Once Lyon had organized them, he picked up the very first one, and handed it to Juvia.

"I can read it if you can't." He told her. She shook her head, and then began to read it allowed.

"'This is the biggest bullshit.'" Juvia was quickly taken aback by Gray's crude choice of words, but continued, "'I am Gray Fullbuster, barely 20 years old and today, I'm told I have only three years to live? That makes no sense. And why? Because I'm diagnosed some kind of… shitty blood cancer… Non-hodgkin lymphsomething. Doctors said I'd be lucky to even live that long. Who's even heard of an incurable disease in this day and age…?"

Juvia fell quiet. Cancer? Incurable disease? Gray had been dying since before she met him, and she never knew. How could he hide something like that from her—from everyone? She took a deep breath , and continued to read.

Through a good portion of the first notebook, Gray seemed in denial of his entire ordeal. Lyon had let Juvia begin to read quietly and began to flip through later volumes of Gray's journals. Juvia, however, took in each and every word. She was almost finished with the first volume, when Lyon called for her attention.  
"Juvia." He held a volume toward her, with his thumb between the pages, "You should read this entry.

The bluenette placed down the volume she had and took the one from Lyon, the front of the book read "Two years to live." Flipping it to the page her friend had saved with his thumb, she began to read it quietly to herself.

_Today I met the most mysterious woman: A sad, blue haired young lady who seems to always cry when it rains. She's quiet and keeps to herself, but as a guy who's slowly dying, I don't think she has anything to be sad about. I've taken it upon myself to make her a happier person._

Juvia was surprised by what she had just read; it was Gray's first impression of her. She flipped through the pages of the notebook, and read a later entry.

_The rain woman has completely flipped around. When's she's near me she's always sunny now. She keeps swearing she's in love with me, but we've only known each other for a couple days. Are all woman like this? I did make her happier though. She says she enjoys the sun much more than the rain._

Juvia's attention was brought to movement in front of her. Lyon was laying notebooks in front of her with pages market with blue tape. She looked upon his curiously, and picked up another volume.

_Today, the rain woman saw snow for the first time. She had had a rough day, but I think the ice really cheered her up. I guess I am responsible for that. She seemed particularly beautiful when she smiled today. I don't think I've ever seen such a smile on anyone before._

Juvia smiled, she loved her memories of her first snow. And Gray had described her as beautiful. It brought some color to her cheeks. She picked up another volume and read from a marked page.

_It's hard to believe the Rain Woman was ever sad. These days she gets along with everyone at the pub. She's always smiling and shoving some kind of home-baked pastry in my mouth. It's troublesome… but only because I actually kind of like her attention._

Juvia's cheeks gained some more color. She always worried that her incessant coddling had annoyed Gray, but here he said he didn't mind her at all. She picked up a later volume and began to read from "8 months to live."

_How could I be so lucky and unlucky at the same time? The most beautiful, wonderful woman is right in front of me, almost throwing herself into my lap, and I have to turn her down. Honestly, I've been in love with the rain woman for a long time now. Maybe ever since she smiled at me the first time. But I can never tell her how I feel. After all, what would be the point? I'm dying in just a few months now. If I gave her my love now, just to rip it away… It could kill her. _

Juvia's eyes began to fill with tears. "Lyon… was right. Lyon was dead on…" She mumbled. His silence showed that he had already read that entry. He handed her another volume. The last volume.

Juvia looked upon it with a twinge of fear. Inside of this were the last words Gray had ever written. She was so scared to know what they'd be. What if they were nothing? Completely worthless thoughts? She didn't want to read those, but she had come this far. Juvia opened the pages and flipped half way through the book, to the last entry.

_I can't stand holding in my secret any longer. Especially from my rain woman. I don't know if I can tell her how I feel, but what I can confess is why I can never love her back. Tomorrow. Tomorrow I will meet with her and tell her everything. About how in just five short months, I'll no longer be on this earth. About how her face fills my heart with warmth, how her smile feels like it could cure this damned disease._

_And maybe she'll forgive me for keeping my secrets. But I think it would be better if she never did. It would be better if she rejected me for hiding the truth for all this time. It would be better if she forgot me. But only tomorrow can tell._

Juvia could barely read through her tears. She could only imagine how her life could have changed after that fateful day. Why did fate lead her down this path? It broke her heart all over again. She clenched her eyes shut and took a deep breath as her tears fell upon the open book and smudged the ink on the page. Juvia pulled her hands to her eyes to run away the tears, and the book fell from her lap. When she opened her eyes and reached for it, it was then she saw another sheet of paper falling from the very back of the book. Juvia softly lifted it.

The paper was different from the ones in the book. It was a larger, stationary piece, with rain drop and snow flakes around the border, and was folded in half. She slowly opened it. The first words on it were,

_"Dear Juvia. If you're reading this, I suppose I died before that damned cancer could get me."_

Juvia gasped, and read on.

_"I can only hope I went in some much cooler way. If I had to choose, I'd like to have died in a way that helped you. Withering away in a hospital isn't really my style anyway. I hope you're all right. I hope it didn't take you too long to find this. I have so much to tell you._

_"Juvia, I know I've turned you down left and right. I always hoped you would give up on me, so you wouldn't hurt when I died. But no matter what I said to you, I have __**always**__ loved you._

_"I'm sorry I never told you. It has never been easy for me to be honest about my feelings. Opening my heart to someone makes me feel more naked than any lack of clothing ever has._

_"But that's not the only reason I didn't tell you. No, it was because I was scared. I watched you go through your depression before, I thought it I loved you, and then left you, you might fall back into depression and you might not come out of it this time. Juvia, I couldn't stand it if you killed yourself just to be with me._

_"But I guess that shows that I'm a coward. Juvia isn't such a coward. You would push through somehow, after all, you're reading this now, so you made it somehow. Shows how wrong I was._

_"Juvia. Can you do me one favor?_"

Juvia took a deep breath as she tried to read on. These were Gray's last words, and they were addressed to her. And now he had one last wish for her. She promised herself that, no matter what it was, she would make it come true. She cleared her tears and continued.

_"You're such a beautiful girl, you'll have boys all over you once I'm gone. I know you'll move on without me. Maybe you'll even give my brother a chance (He totally doesn't deserve you though.)_

_"But no matter who else you fall in love with, marry, and have beautiful children with, no matter how much longer you live than me, will you please, somewhere, deep down in your heart, still love me?"_

Juvia thought her heart might stop beating. She clenched her finger into the stationary, and barely managed over a whisper. "Would Lyon please leave Juvia on her own for a while?"

He seemed slightly surprised, but obliged, and stepped out of the room. She stayed quiet until she heard him leave out her front door. Instantly, Juvia began to sob, and read the last few lines in Gray's note.

_"I know it's selfish, but no matter where I go after I die, as long as Juvia loves me, I know it will be a paradise. So please, even if you live a life completely separate from any memory of me, just keep me in your heart, and love me. Love me forever. _

_"Because I promise, no matter where I am, no matter how far away I am, I still love you, Juvia Lockser._

_"Thank you."_

Juvia slid off of her couch and sobbed into the cushions. Gray was too selfish. But even if he hadn't asked, she knew she would have kept his last wish.

Juvia stared into the ceiling, and then, after taking a great breath in, began to shout.

"Gray! Juvia knows Gray is up in the clouds. Gray was a hero, a saint! Gray could only be up above Juvia! Now listen here, Gray!" The bluenette brought herself to her feet, "Juvia is going to live the best, most honest life Juvia can, so Juvia can go up there and see Gray again! So wait for Juvia! Because no matter what, no matter who else loves Juvia, Juvia will always and ONLY **LOVE ****_GRAY!_** Juvia promises! Just wait for Juvia, Gray!"

She fell back to her knees and began to weep like never before.

* * *

**Epilogue**

It was a scene to see at The Fairy's Tail, as the pub filled to its brims with regular customers, all acquaintances and best friends to each other. There was not a single quiet voice as the room was filled with shouts and cheering of every occupant, but as a short, elderly man climbed his way atop the bar, the room's volume dipped down, and everyone turned their attention to center stage.

"Hello everyone, and thank you for gathering here tonight! I am Makarov Dreyar, but most of you know me as 'Master', don't you?" He gave a laugh as he scanned the audience. "Today, we are here to celebrate the life of our friend, Gray Fullbuster."

Everyone smiled, and some bowed their heads, as the Master continued his introductions.

"It's hard to believe that it's been a whole 5 years since Gray's departure from this world. He left behind many a friend and companion, but also left us the gift of memories, laughter and kindness, in our hearts. And now, I introduce the woman whose heart he may have in fact filled the most, Juvia Locksar." The Master gestured his right left hand to his side, and brought attention to the young woman making her way up front to the bar.

Juvia was dressed in all white, her hair tied in a ponytail to the side of her head, and wore crystal snowflake earrings, which dangled and danced below her earlobes. The young lady walked behind the bar and thanked the Master for her introduction, before she smiled out to the audience in front of her, and began to speak.

"I am Juvia Locksar, and as many of The Fairy's Tail already know, Juvia is the woman who Gray gave the dearest gifts to. The gift of life, and the gift of love." There was a soft applause from Juvia's closest friends. She cleared her throat softly, and prepared herself for the rest of her speech. "Loving Gray was always an adventure. One never knew what Gray was thinking; Gray always kept his thoughts to himself. Sometimes, it was a cold love. Gray turned down Juvia more times that Juvia cares to count." She gave a soft laugh, and held up her hands, "Far more times that Juvia could count on her fingers."

There was soft wave of laughter throughout the pub, Juvia enjoyed it before she continued.

"When Gray was taken from Juvia, it seemed like the world had frozen over, and time had stopped entirely. But, some odd three years ago, Juvia found a note from Gray. Gray's final words to Juvia. And do you all know what Gray asked of Juvia? Gray asked to never, ever, stop loving Gray." Juvia closed her eyes and put her hands over her heart, "Honestly, it's not like Gray had to ask." She laughed again, "No one could ever touch Juvia's heart like Gray did. But when Juvia read that letter, Juvia's heart was warmed, and Juvia's world finally melted. Gray's love filled Juvia with the warmth of a red, hot fire. And it is something Juvia could never forget." Juvia took a long breath out, and opened her eyes again.

"So tonight, Juvia wants to share that warmth with everyone." She threw her arms into the air and called out, "Natsu!"

A salmon haired man in the back of the room chugged a bit of alcohol, and then, holding a lighter to his lips, he blew fire into the air. An old fashioned chandelier hanging from the ceiling suddenly lit up, and the flames of it's candles followed a string connecting each one, until the string lead from that chandelier to another, quickly brightening the bar with a warm light.

The audience cheered enthusiastically, and in the excitement, Juvia climbed onto the bar and stood above everyone.

"Everyone! Juvia has a dream! A dream that one day, we will all be reborn in a world where we will never be separated, in a world where magic keeps us together, and fairies really do have tails! A world where Gray will never leave us, and keep our hearts warm forever! So tonight, we celebrate Gray's life, and we celebrate the dream of our next, magical life! Thank you!"

And with that, Juvia grabbed a bottle of champagne from the bar she stood on, and popped its cork, sending it flying into the crowd.

**End**

* * *

**If you're reading this, I'd like to thank you one and all for reading my entire fanfic. I'm sorry for all the tears it caused, but also proud of every single tear. I apologize for my pride now too.**

**"Red" by Taylor Swift has always been one of my "OTP songs" for Gray and Juvia, but became more so during that awful week after chapter 334, Sin and Sacrifice. This fic just filled my head one day at work, and caused me to cry over and over again, so I had to put it in words. I have a lot of theories of why Gray shot Juvia down in the manga, and due to this being a modern AU fic, it doesn't explore them entirely, it does touch upon some points of them.**

**Though this is the first fic on ****_this_**** account, it is far from my first fic, but I am still looking to improve. So please read and review, I would love some honest opinions of both the fic and my writing, and maybe you'll be reading from me again soon.**

**Tata~**


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